| apparently I hate lj |
[Mar. 15th, 2008|08:43 pm] |
I'm never ever on it anymore.
so I decided to toss it a bone and post a little something.
Isn't it great how much "the world is our oyster" after high school?
how many opportunities we have, so many different directions we can go.
all we have to do is decide what we're doing.
seriously, all the options are there at eighteen. By nineteen, they're pretty much ten times as hard to achieve.
all it takes is a decision.
let me rephrase:
doesn't it suck how much "the world is out oyster" after high school?
so many varied options, so many possible directions...
how the hell are we supposed to decide what to do?
we have all the options, and we have to choose before it's too late.
and everything boils down to what should be a simple decision...
C.J. needs to figure out what he's doing with his life. |
|
|
| dk |
[Dec. 10th, 2007|09:19 am] |
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|08:43 pm] |
when is something like suicide justified?
ever?
can it ever be said that life is just too much for one person to take, regardless of their age?
can it be said that things will never look up again?
and who are we, the balanced, the supposed "sane", to judge?
it's true that some people's lives never look up.
some people find a low
and continue to go lower.
and lower
and lower.
and, yet, they don't succumb.
is succumb the correct term? (to yield, or give in)
do the victims of suicide (and yes, they are victims) really give in
do they really lose?
maybe they win
maybe they win the peace of mind that comes with not having to deal with the daily shit.
sure, they give up the joys of life
but I'm sure some people can tell you that the joys of life sometimes
and maybe most times
don't outweigh the horrors, the monotony, the lifelessness.
is suicide ever justified? |
|
|
| Teen Dreams Her Death, Then is Killed Outside Church |
[Apr. 30th, 2007|09:39 pm] |
Cherice Jacobsen dreamed four nights ago than an "executioner" had killed her and, as a result, many people found God.
Early Friday, the first part of Jacobsen's premonition came horribly true.
Jacobsen, a 16-year-old devout Christian who was visiting Stockton from British Columbia, was shot in the head by an unknown assailant at 1:40 a.m. Friday on the grounds of the Christian Life Center, moments after she'd left a prayer meeting.
She died two hours later at St. Joseph's Medical Center.
The church's youth pastor and several of Jacobsen's friends watched as the bulled struck her, but no one saw her killer. Police have no suspects. no bullet or shell casings, no weapon and no apparent motive for the killing.
"I and the whole staff are at our wit's end to know. Why?" said Kenneth Haney, 52m head pastor of the Christian Life Center at 9025 West Lane.
Jacobsen, a pastor's only child had been visiting friends in Lodi for a month. She had been scheduled to return home later Friday.
On wednesday, Jacobsen had sought help from a counselor because she dreamed about being killed by an entity she called "the executioner" Haney said.
"A voice told her, 'Through your death, there will be many new converts to the Kingdom of God." Haney said.
On thursday, Jacobsen attended a 7 p.m. service in the center's youth chapel, was moved to tears, and remained afterward to pray. said Nathaniel Haney, a youth pastor who officiated at the service. He is Kenneth Haney's 24-y3ear-old son.
Jacobsen, a slender, dark haired teenager who was wearing a black shiirt with gold trim and a jean skirt left the church for about an hour, presumably to eat dinner.
She returned around eleven p.m. and joined about fifteen other teenagers who continued to pray in the main auditorium with the youth pastor. Impassioned late-might prayer is typical of the youth group, Nathaniel Haney said.
about 1:30 a.m. the prayer meeting dwindled to five or six youths. Jacobsen then stepped outside for a moment to go to her car, the youth pastor said.
The center has 24-hour security, but members of the group soon became concerned. Leaving the main auditorium, the group entered the glassed in main lobby.
Through windows that look west across a 30 foot concrete courtyard, haney saw Jacobsen returnin from her car.
A muffled shot popped outside.
"I saw her head turn to the left, and then she just dropped," Haney said.
Realizing that it was a shooting, Haney grabbed a nearby phone, dialed 911, and ran with the others to Jacobsen's side. The bullet entered over her left ear and exited over her right ear said Lt. Andy Jackson of the Stockton Police Department.
Jacobsen never regained consciousness. She was pronounced dead at 3:45 a.m. at St. Joseph's Medical Center. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2007|02:54 am] |
I'm...losing it.
I have no home.
I haven't done any school work in like two weeks.
I'm at patrick's house. I've been here since ten
I'm halfway buzzed.
I didn't get to go to regina.
I'm super pissed.
"I'm the commander"
risk.
f.
no real reason to be worried.
whatever. |
|
|
| I had to get this old guitar and play my blues away. |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|11:16 pm] |
come, come to the mountain
sing me a sweet song
and we can walk out of the desert
where we don't belong
did you know you have a future
and you can escape
and if I can, I'll help you
before it's too late
and don't tell me there's nothing
you can do
because the story's not written
for me and you
and let's go play our guitars
out under the moon
because when I'm with you things are perfect
everything's in tune
and I promise to be honest
even when we don't agree
because a life full of deception
is a lot like slavery
so why don't you
come, come to the mountain
sing me a sweet song
and we can walk out of the desert
until we don't belong
did you know you have a future
and you can escape
and if I can I'll help you
before it's too late
and don't tell me there's nothing
you can do
because the story's not written
for me and you... |
|
|
| "I discovered Buddhism at an Innocent Criminals concert!" |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|10:43 pm] |
Do you remember dream's birth long ago
in the innocence of youth?
and the grace we once believed in we
treated as the truth
well, this pain just keeps pushing me
from the things that I love
and the promise of tomorrow,
I've been dreaming of.
well, have you ever left hope far behind
in search of anything?
or felt after the day that things
weren't quite as the seem?
well, today I grant permission.
yes, this is your reprieve.
set fire to the system,
rebuild your broken dreams.
we're gonna celebrate the new year
holiday without any fear
we're gonna celebrate the new year
dance until we disappear.
well if you're looking for some answers,
well, I'll probably disappoint.
and if you think you've found salvation,
well, you might have missed the point.
well, I know of a girl who's so
faithful and true
and if you have some questions
she'll answer them for you
we're gonna celebrate the new year
holiday without any fear
we're gonna celebrate the new year
dance until we disappear.
this holiday's no holiday without you
truth's not as distant as it seems
there's a certain amount of living without wisdom
that comes when we erase our dreams
we're gonna celebrate the new year
holiday without any fear
we're gonna celebrate the new year
dance until we disappear... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2007|05:06 pm] |
I haven't actually put anything on here in quite a while.
This is for one simple reason: I have nothing to say.
for the first time in my life, I have nothing to say.
weird.
Daniel's world is a world of sorrow.
filled to brimmin' with sad thoughts and feelings.
despair. in one word.
Pastels couldn't lighten the mood.
I don't know what the hell I'm writing.
not at all.
have fun. |
|
|
| all I really want to say... apparently psychoanalytical stuff |
[Feb. 19th, 2007|09:13 pm] |
1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. With who?
Aasha
2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
fox
3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
it sees me and runs away
4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it.
it's brown and sorta big. It has two stories and maybe five bedrooms.
biggish but not too big.
there's also a pool.
5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
no
6. You enter the house. You walk in to the dining room and see the dining room table what do you see on and around it?
I see pizza on it. and my friends around the table
7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
glass. like a milk cup. tall and clear and octagonal
8. What do you do with the cup?
pocket it
9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water, what is it?
the sea
10. How will you cross the water?
I'll swim
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important person in your life.
2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.
3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.
4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.
5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.
6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.
7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.
8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude.
9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|10:51 pm] |
it's interesting how we view ourselves and our personalities compared with others.
not interesting because of some dumb interest in how people differ.
it's the fact that when you view yourself in a certain way, sometimes more positively than you deserve, sometimes more negatively, often right in the middle.
when others view you, they are putting their own thoughts and feelings into their judgement, which is unfair to both of you.
for instance, I think of myself as many things. in order, they are: writer, musician, singer, actor, philosopher, and I dabble in psychology.
others might disagree. they might think it precocious and self-indulgent to put philosopher, but that is quite simply just the way I view myself. in my mind, those are my strengths and things that I enjoy being and doing.
others might add or subtract things to or from that list.
our realities are completely relative.
relative to our experiences
relative to accepted societal boundaries and definitions.
without other people to compare ourselves to, we would be at a loss to define ourselves.
"When I'm wanking, I like to grab my balls because it feels so much better. is that weird?"
the "is that weird?" phenomena is something that we often feel the need to teeter on the edge of especially during adolescence and puberty.
but if our realities are relative, does that not also mean that our existences are similarly relative?
for me, it does mean that.
but that's going back to the whole tree falling and no one to hear it question.
it all comes down to the accepted view of society or the human race.
as a douche named alex west once argued. "there is no right or wrong, only society's ideals eventually supplanted in our minds." |
|
|
| human relations. |
[Feb. 8th, 2007|08:29 pm] |
what is the human need to relate?
we can’t understand a new concept without relating it to something we already understand.
there’s an on and off debate about the definition of couscous in French class. what is couscous? the only real answer would be “it’s just couscous”. however, questions keep popping up like,
“is it like rice?”
no.
it’s just couscous.
somebody who hasn’t experienced something can’t imagine what it would be like regardless of the descriptions offered by more experienced people. that is the point at which they try to relate it to something they have experienced. asking if it is similar to this or that.
experience makes us who we are. it affects our ability to relate.
but human relation (not the dirty kind) runs deeper than that. our act of making conversation is nothing but our propensity to relate.
someone makes a statement.
someone else says what that reminds him or her of, some anecdote or personal philosophy that relates to the subject brought forth by the conversation starter.
this can go on for hours.
and we have to do this, for whatever reason, our minds learn by relating. it pains us (for some almost physically) not to be able to inject our anecdote or our philosophy into the conversation.
on the same note, those with underdeveloped social skills, or sometimes underdeveloped minds (not a mean joke) have difficulty relating in a way that helps the conversation have fluidity. for instance if someone is talking about how they don’t like to eat fish because it seems cruel, a person with underdeveloped social skills might mention the fact that they go fishing with their uncle Philip every June and how that is the best tasting fish ever.
thus ruining the conversation.
perhaps if the propensity for relation is a large part of our brains, then these people might be viewed as quasi-retarded in that respect.
is there such thing as someone who is socially disabled?
could there be a way for scientists to figure out treatments for such a condition?
perhaps I’m bringing up something so farfetched that you should forget it.
perhaps it’s something that is currently in the works
I don’t know.
some people like to be in control of the conversation relation.
they don’t enjoy engaging in conversations with people who would relate to something differently than they would.
example: (the only conversation I’ve ever had with my grandfather)
someone knows that his or her family member has studied renaissance philosophers and recently received an award for an essay related to such. they ask them about a certain philosopher. the essayist responds to the question about the philosopher by mentioning one of his works where he collaborated with another philosopher that the essayist is fonder of.
“cool.” says the elder family member. and then sits in silence smiling awkwardly.
(I had to stick that in there, sorry. my own attempt at relation)
I'll pick up on my quantum physics whatever the hell I'm trying to do with that when I get in the... quantum physics mood.
is there such a thing?
too much a nerd=CJ |
|
|
| somwhere in her smile she knows... |
[Feb. 6th, 2007|04:26 pm] |
i don't think I want to be good friends with any more girls.
they get mean once you're like "hey you're cool, let's hang out more"
for instance, they constantly call you an ass.
like today
"you're such an ass today!"
I didn't see her today.
except for like a second.
I'm done with girls as friends I think.
where the guys at? |
|
|
| slit experiment. |
[Feb. 2nd, 2007|04:51 pm] |
do I need to take the time to explain the slit experiment?
I think I do.
but, if you get it then I won't. |
|
|
| time exists... |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|05:58 pm] |
ok I'm going to try and pick up where I left off and hopefully it will seem fluid enough.
ok here is the beginning of my doubt of reality
when I was younger I had a friend named joseph. joseph and his family used to boast all the time about their family luck. it really defied statistical odds. to them luck was not some abstract concept, it was palpable. the expected it and got it with absurd regularity. if you spent much time iwth them you got the feeling that somehow they could make luck happen and they knew it.
one day his family and mine visited a church carnival thing. with lots of carnival booths. the games were designed to be unwinnable except by luck. I dutifully complied with the expectations and emptied my pockets in record time with no prizes. but joey's family had a different experience. i still have the memory etched in my memory of joey's mother makeing a special trip back to the car with an armload of impossible to win prizes. it was like a scene from a crappy comedy. they were'nt just winning, they wre winning things you aren't supposed to win no matter how lucky you are. careras telescopes gigantic stuffed animals. it was obscene. I think that the only reason they stopped playing was guilt.
last time I saw joey and his family, was right after they found out they had won the grand prize in some irish sweepstakes. some half a million dollars.
I know statistics allows for a clustering of unlikely events, but it was their expectation that made me question my understanding of how the universe was wired. it opened my mind to the possibility that luck can be managed.
you probably don't know anyone like joey and his family. I have never encountered another group of people similar to them. but you probably know people who expect and then receive bad luck.
I really don't want to get into all of the implications of the double slit experiment.
if you are honestly interested, then here is the site. I will see if I can make it a hyperlink.
http://www.colorado.edu/physics/2000/applets/twoslitsa.html
yeah I don't know how.
if you want, go and test it.
that's what happens in reality.
basically you shine a light through two slits in a sheet of paper and you get a venetian blind pattern on the wall.
why?
information in the present can change the past.
read that sentence again. I'll wait.
here's another way of putting it, i know it's hard to grasp.
time does not always march in one direction, bringing with it a perfectly ordered sequence of causes and effects. it's not hard for me to imagine it because I'm a little dyslexic.
if someone says a phone number to me and I'm not really focusing, then i remember the numbers just not in the right order.
to me disorder in the direction of time seems not too farfetched. at least some of the time.
of course the brain is capable of perceiving time in an incorrect order. it happens all the time. even to non dyslexic people. but we don't acknowledge it.
in lab tests it has been shown that sometimes the portion of the brain responsible for making a decision doesn't even activate until slightly after the action has been made. if I poke you in the butt with a pin, you jump before your conscious mind realizes what has happened. but your immediate memory will be that you felt a poke and then moved. in this example you would have perceived time backwards.
so... if brains can perceive time in any order, it raises the question of whether time is an independant thing or just a perception. you perception of color might be a good analogy.
objects might seem to have color but in fact it's just a perception caused by the reflection of light. the color is a perception of your mind. not a quality of the object.
could time be in your mind and not in the environment? time, like color, is not something you can put in a bottle. you can't get a handful of color or time. most physicists have dispensed with the word altogether, preferring the term "space-time". because it allows them to create a definition that is more useful for the physical world. i'm not sure what space time means to physicists, but I'm sure it's different from my perception of the passage of time.
I'm done for now
sorry about the longwindedness
and the typos.
I hope at least one person reads this stuff
tomorrow I will tackle the assumption that objects move. |
|
|
| to those who ridicule my theories... |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|08:57 pm] |
my prediction is that in the next one hundred years, we will shift our search for a better vision to one for a better perception.
most of our human history has been an obsession to improve our visual understanding of the universe. almost everything we know is based on looking at things. we do experiments and we look at the results. we build microscopes to look at small things. we build vehicles to take us where we can look at new territory. one of our most fundamental beliefs is that the things we see with our eyes are a good approximation of reality.
we use our other senses too but mostly we look at things and draw conclusions. that has worked well for most of human existance but there have been some big time blunders caused by looking at the world and using our brains to draw conclusions.
the most well documented blunder caused by our vision was the historical belief that the sun revolved around the earth. it sure looks that way. until an alternate theory was suggested, no other possibility was obvious. here were the two biggest and most improtant objects in our field of vision-the earth and the sun- and virtually every person who looked at them got a totally backwards perception of their movements.
people thought that the earth was flat because that's the only model that fit the way things looked. people didn't change their minds until someone took a boat and sailed out for a better look.
some might be tempted to say that these are isolated instances involving primitive times in our history, so it's not relevant to the future. but these isolated instances involved the biggest objects in our reality. these were not trivial misunderstandings. our eyesight was inadequate for the task. it took some experimentation and a lot more looking to find the truth.
what if there are other optical illusions about our existance that are just as major as the illusion of the sun revolving around the earth? if so, how big are the oppurtunities that would emerge from a clearer perception?
this isn't contrasting anyne's religious beliefs. no matter what they are.
I'm talking about the limitations of eyesight as a source of knowledge. nothing more.
here are some assumptions our eyesight has led us to believe:
1 time goes forward
2 objects move
3 gravity exists
4 a cause can only have an effect on something it physically contacts directly or indirectly
obviously if any one of those assumptions is wrong then our entire view of rality is totally fundamentally completely wrong. and so are our strategies for success.
I'm kind of tired so I'll explain more later.
poopy mathilde. |
|
|
| one word too many. |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|08:36 pm] |
1. Yourself: awesom
2. Your spouse: spousal
3. Your hair: thinning
4. Your mother: cats
5. Your father: dead
6. Your favorite item: guitar
7. Your dream last night: pee
8. Your favorite drink: tea
9. Your dream car: outback
10. The room you are in: office
11. Your ex: flips
12. Your fear: spiders
13. What you want to be in 10 years? happy
14. Who you hung out with last night? cats
15. What you're not? un-itchy
16. Muffins: blueberry
17. One of your wish list items: harmonica
18. Time: 8
19. The last thing you did: peed
20. What you are wearing: jammies
21. Your favorite weather: hot
22. Your favorite book: gondoliers
23. The last thing you ate: spaghetti
24. Your life: stress-less
25. Your mood: waiting
26. Your best friend: hillary
27. What are you thinking about right now? java
28. Your car: outside
29. What are you doing at the moment? itchin'
30. Your summer: friends
31. Your relationship status: taken
32. What is on your TV? M*A*S*H
33.what is the weather like? nippy
34. When is the last time you laughed? phone |
|
|
| there are four gaping holes in my jaw... |
[Jan. 6th, 2007|09:33 am] |
so I had these teeth.
then they were stolen from me.
the doctor says that the pain will stop.
I'm not so sure.
only one side of my mouth really hurts.
and it's so swollen that I can't close my mouth completely
there are four gaping holes in my jaw.
I can't sleep either because of the pain.
luckily, starting at five p.m. I have M*A*S*H on nonstop for fifteen hours.
so that's what I've been spending my time doing.
I watched the movie twice in a row last night.
oog. |
|
|
| through early morning fog I see... |
[Jan. 4th, 2007|11:06 am] |
some good Hawkeye quotes:
"Hawkeye:'this is war. war is hell. it stinks. it's filthy. Beej, can I borrow your cologne?'
BJ-'yeah, I'll trade you for some clothespins.'"
"Nice war we had. Of course, every war has its cute things. World War II had nice songs. The War of the Roses had nice flowers. We've got booms, they had blooms. Actually, every war has it's 'ooms. You've got doom, gloom, everybody ends up in a tomb, the planes go zoom, the bomb your room."
--Benjamin Franklin Pierce, MD |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
silent_gordon's journal